The Great Family Camping Trip
by flirting-with-your-timelord
Summary: Prompt from a dear friend. The Charmings organise a family camping trip for the whole SwanQueen family. Awkward moments ensue!


**The Great Family Camping Trip**

**A/U: ****Due to a lovely prompt for my dear friends I thought I'd write this to do some practice. It also a poor attempt at writing humour… I had great fun writing this, in my 'study periods'. My friend apparently thought I'd been working all this time… ;)**

**Enjoy.  
**

"Regina, you really won't want them heels where we're going," Emma wrestled with the red heel, it digging painfully into her arm.

"It's 'those heels', dear," the brunette objected, "but regardless of your awful grammar, I want my heels, regardless of the god-forsaken place we're going."

"Babe, please?" Emma murmured, getting closer to the older woman, tugging her closer. Her hands rested lightly on her hips, their foreheads touching

The whine got to Regina's eyes, softening as her precious red heel was forgotten in her hand, "Fine. But you'd better make it up to me…"

"Oh god, guys! Please! Not again," the voice of a young boy resonated through the pair, causing them to break apart slightly.

"Seriously kid, you're lucky you didn't find us like I found _my_ parents…" Emma murmured, shaking the thought from her head. She watched her son, now Henry Swan-Mills, pale slightly before scurrying off around the corner to find his raincoat.

"Where are your delightful parents anyway, Miss Swan?" the brunette teased her partner with her maiden name, acting in her sickly sweet tone of Mayor.

It was the annual family camping trip, or at least what they were hoping would be annual. It was the first one, and after repeated bugging from the older Charmings to do something as a proper family, the Mills family finally gave in, deciding they were better off agreeing then having to force the subject away each time it arose.

"Well, Mrs Swan-Mills, I don't know; probably getting a quickie in before the camping trip. After all, all… suspicious activities are banned – with Henry and all," Emma murmured, resuming her grip on her wife's waist.

She saw the shorter woman's nose wrinkle slightly at the thought of the Charmings together in _that _way. Sure, since the unorthodox marriage, the Charming and Mills family had finally managed to get along, after much insistence from Emma and Henry. But still, there were still awkward moments when the subject of Regina 'ruining their daughter' came up.

"We're here actually," a sweet voice sounded over Regina's thoughts, and she knew her week in hell was about to begin. She gritted her teeth against the prospect of all that mud and grime, and the fact they wouldn't have a proper working shower.

She turned towards the other pair in the room, smiling at them sweetly as she always did, "Snow, Charming," Regina exclaimed, forcing a smile on her face, "it's always a pleasure."

"Cut the crap, Regina, we both know you're going to be hell this week with all your cleanliness OCD rubbish," although the comment was harsh, the humour and crinkled eyes of David suggested a more teasing tone, causing Regina to relax significantly.

Although she had fully pledged her love and her name to their daughter, there was still as sore spot left in the young couple about the woman before them. They both knew that Regina had changed, their little princess had been the source of that, but Snow's view of the older woman was still plagued with bounties and running from her guards.

"I pride myself in staying sanitary, David; although with more rustic upbringing you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"I can see this weekend is going to be a pleasurable experience…" Charming murmured, laying a friendly hand on Regina's shoulder before moving on to say hello to his grandson.

"Will you guys ever stop with the banter?" The blonde next to her slid an arm around her waist, almost glad that her parents had left. She still felt it was severely awkward with her parents and Regina, but she wasn't sure if it was just her imagination that Snow was looking slightly brighter today. Clearly Charming did something to her…

"You know its how we get along, dear, plus it's quite amusing to have a chance at drilling home his true heritage," the brunette had forgotten about the discarded red heels on the ground, instead picking up the riding boots she'd come to love so much, "where is my mother anyway?"

"I'm here, darling," the once fearsome Cora Mills walked down the stairs in what looked like hiking gear, with walking boots and hiking pole to add to the effect.

Cora Mills, now reformed, had adapted more than Regina had to the prospect of all that mud. Although Henry was always the one to teach Regina how to ride, she was often happy to take hikes and walks around the Enchanted Forest before Rumplestiltskin decided to ruin her future and take her from her own father, that pathetic miller.

"What are you wearing?" Regina exclaimed, pointing at the waterproof trousers and pole.

"It's called suitable clothing, dear," the older woman replied, noticing her daughters own wear, "and you're definitely not well dressed. Go upstairs and put on some normal clothing, darling."

"These are my normal clothes. See, no blazer!"

"And I really don't want to see you get those lovely skirts you have get all muddy. You'll find a suitable set of clothing upstairs on your dresser."

Emma noticed the exchange, and realised how much Cora really cared about her daughter. Of course, she had had reservations when Cora first turned up in Storybrooke; she had every right to with her newly forming relationship with Regina.

Yet, against all odds, the older woman had come out as genuine, surprising the whole town and most of all her daughter. While the Charmings were reluctant to accept Emma and Regina's relationship, Cora had welcomed the pairing with open arms, noticing how good for each other they were.

"Now, I want no funny business on this trip. I expect you on your best behaviour," Cora put her stern 'mother face' on, causing Emma to smile meekly.

"It's not me you've got to worry about,"

"Oh, I know, my daughter can be quite the piece of work, but I don't want poor Henry coming in and saying he heard strange noises coming from your tent."

The blonde blushed lightly, eyes losing focus off Cora and instead landing on her wife coming down the stairs. When had anyone been able to make a simple white cotton shirt look so good?

"About that, Cora-" Emma's mouth went dry, noticing the long black riding boots going up her wife's legs.

"No, Emma. Regardless of your libido similar to a pubescent teen," Cora smiled brightly, turning at the shout from the Charmings to come help them load the car.

"You're killing me here," the blonde murmured as she kissed her wife's hairline gently.

"I know," the Mayor muttered, before following in her mother's footsteps to go help the blonde's parents.

The large 7-seater Vauxhall was roaring down the highway, the large Swan-Mills family tightly crammed into the car with their luggage.

A voice resonated from the two back seats, where Regina and Emma had decided to sit. Regina was sure she wanted to as far away from the Charmings as she could; it was a 4 hour drive, and she certainly wasn't singing camping songs _all_ the way there.

"For god's sake, Emma, between you and Henry that's been the 50th time you've said that it the last two hours," the brunette groaned as she removed her headphones. She was listening to a particularly good piece of classical music, trying to drown out the high pitched voice of Snow.

"But I want to get there," the Sheriff murmured grumpily, crossing her arms in a huff as she glared out the window, "now."

"Patience, dear," Regina murmured, resting her hand lightly on Emma's knee to calm the annoyed woman.

"Don't even think about it, you two," The deep male voice of David coupled with the glower of his eyes in the rear-view mirror. She shot her hand away quickly, instead choosing to fiddle with a loose piece of thread on her shirt.

She felt her phone vibrate beside her, the screen lighting up the dark recesses of the back of the car. She warily opened the messages, noticing the sender being 'The Wife', the stupid name Emma had changed her contact to.

**Message received Sat 9:15am from 'The Wife': **I like you in that shirt.

**Message received Sat 9:16am from 'Honey bunch': **Don't even think about it, Miss Swan.

**Message received Sat 9:16am from 'The Wife': **Ooh, maiden name again. Saucy ;)

**Message received Sat 9:17am from 'Honey bunch': **Shut up and get back to your game.

**Message received Sat 9:18am from 'The Wife': **Don't dis Star Wars Battlefront II…

**Message received Sat 9:20am from 'Honey bunch': **Oh please. I'm not 'dissing' anything. Your mother is looking at suspiciously.

**Message received Sat 9:21am from 'The Wife': **Ignore her; she's just annoyed that she's not getting any this weekend.

Regina stifled her laugh with a cough, feeling her cheeks blushing under Snow's inquisitive gaze. She held Emma's hand, while her free one was texting swiftly across her BlackBerry, the keys clicking being the only sound.

**Message received Sat 9:23am from 'The Wife': **There are so many other things I'd rather be doing right now than sitting in this stupid car. ;)

**Message received Sat 9:26am from 'The Wife': **Regina, honey. Don't ignore me please. I'm bored and my mother's now taken to giving me the glare of death.

**Message received Sat 9:28am from 'The Wife': **I'll change your contact name so it's not 'Honey bunch'.

**Message received Sat 9:29am from 'Honey bunch': **Fine. Just put it back to Regina or something.

**Message received Sat 9:30am from 'The Wife': **Nah, I have a better idea. ;)

Regina reached over to try and grab Emma's phone, knocking her stupid PSP to the floor and causing Emma to shriek out. Several heads turned round to see what the commotion was about, hearing another shriek as certain deft fingers found their way to the blonde's sides and started tickling.

"No, Regina!" Emma shouted out, trying to prise the fingers travelling up stomach, "please."

The air suddenly got heavy when Regina realised her hand was resting on Emma's breast as the car jolted.

The car skidded to a halt on a lay-by, its occupants slammed against the seats in front of them.

"Right, that is it!" Charming shouted, noticing the ruffled pair in the back seats, "Snow, take their phones from them, but I wouldn't look at them…"

"Ah, dad. Come on," Emma groaned as she was pulled from the back seat by her father, "we were just having some fun."

"You'll be sitting in the front with me, and Regina can have the lovely company of your mother."

"Emma, who the hell is _'Mrs Hot Buns'_?"

"Worst car journey," Emma muttered as she hugged her wife tightly as they were setting up the tent, "ever."

"You think you had it bad. I had to sit with your charming Mother and discuss how the population of wild badgers were in danger," Regina sat down in her camping chair as she refused to help with that stupid tent assembly; those poles looked dangerous.

She pulled Emma gracefully onto her lap resting her head against the smooth of Emma's leather jacket. She still wished to burn the offending object sometimes, but she couldn't say it didn't look nice on her.

"I don't think this seat will hold both our weights, and you know I've put on a few pounds recently." Emma glanced worriedly at the weak legs of the chair, pushing deep into the mud beneath it.

"And you still look lovely. Now, where is our son?" Regina smiled, wrapping her arms around her wife's waist, playing lazily with the zip on the jacket.

"He's with David putting up our tent. I'm pretty sure he's the person covered in the tent material. My mother, on the other hand, I think she's gone hunting for a lake."

"Cora? Why does she want a lake?" The blonde murmured against Regina's chest, noting how the shirt was wholly opaque.

"She likes to fish sometimes," Regina smiled, noticing how Henry, Snow and Charming were currently assembling the tent, with poles flying everywhere.

"Duck!" Emma shouted, pulling her and her wife off the chair onto the muddy ground, David swinging the pole round to see what the shout was all about. The only thing Emma had seen was the long metal pole swinging towards the pair, balanced on Charming's shoulder.

"For the love of Fairies, Charming, put that pole down!" Snow shouted; ducking out the way as her husband turned again.

The older man smiled timidly, putting the pole safely on the floor, murmuring apologies.

"Why the fuck did you do that?" Regina shouted, feeling the soft body of her wife under her. She felt the dampness of mud seep through her trouser leg, and her dear riding boots were caked in mud.

"Language, Regina!" Snow shouted, casting her eyes to the thirteen year old boy watching over the disorder warily.

"There was a pole. Aimed for your head, and it was the only logical situation to stop you from getting hit…" Emma smiled submissively, moving the dark brown hair covering Regina's eyes out of the way, "plus we both know you don't mind this position."

Painfully aware of Emma's parents standing behind them, Regina blushed slightly, running a thumb over her wife's hand. She stood up, swaying slightly, brushing as much of the mud as she could, scowling slightly at her dishevelled appearance.

"We should probably go get cleaned up," Emma muttered, grabbing their wash bag from their suitcase before pulling along her wife meekly by the hand.

"No funny business!" Snow shouted out after them, noticing the broken chair lying deep in the mud. This weekend was going to be a nightmare…

Dusk had fallen over the campsite where the Snow-Mills family was residing. The tents were safely up, with no-one mentioned how Regina and Emma's tent was suspiciously off to one side, away from all the others.

"You really should stop drinking that beer, Emma," Regina murmured, scooting close to her wife, pulling the blanket further around her body. She stared deep into the burning flames of the bonfire, watching the marshmallow Henry was currently holding over the deep orange flames slowly burn.

"I'd take it out if I were you, kid," Emma murmured, nodding to a particularly dark spot emerging on the light pink sweet.

"How was setting up the tents?" Cora sounded over the flames; she'd more tastefully brought a bottle of wine to drink, instead of that ghastly stuff her daughter-in-law was drinking.

Her daughter and her wife blushed slightly at the memories of awkwardness, coughing slightly at the uncomfortable silence that had descended over the large family.

"It was rather uneventful… How was the fishing, Cora?" Snow smiled brightly, her body encased in Charming's arms, who was currently nursing a beer. Like father like daughter.

"Wonderful! Truly wonderful! There are some particularly good trout by the looks of it in a river not so far from here. I'll have to go back tomorrow and give it a go."

"We might go walking tomorrow, don't you think, Charming?" Snow nudged her husband lightly, realising the man had fallen asleep behind her, a soft snore sounding softly.

"I'd better get this one to bed…" Snow stood up carefully, nodding lightly to the sleeping Prince, a small chuckle going around the group.

"This one too, I think…" Regina murmured, casting her eyes to the boy that currently lay over her and her wife's lap. He might be a rather big lad now, but he still had his childish moments.

Emma groaned as she moved her dead leg, feeling the weight of her son leave as he stumbled off the bed. He was seriously getting too big for falling asleep on their laps.

It was times like this though, that Emma realised how much her life had changed since her arrival from Boston. She'd arrived with just herself, her bug, and her leather jacket. And now she had a family, parents, a charming son, and a wife who still excited her after 2 years of marriage.

Regardless that her favourite leather jacket was caked in mud and her feet were damp, life was good.

Life was so good.


End file.
